Why You Should Break All of Your Rules and Come to a Support Group

I know, it’s old fashioned.  Ladies sitting in a circle, shifting in their chairs while being lectured on the benefits of tummy time or when to seek dental care for your…8 month old?

 

What if I told you that I came to motherhood very reluctantly, and late in life, and rigid in my beliefs?  I didn’t relate to the young moms in my birthing classes.  I couldn’t understand why so many people wanted to know so many details about my life and uh, health.  My husband and I had arrived in Vermont at 7 1/2 months pregnant, knowing no one.  My family was in Massachusetts and his, Mexico and Washington.  No matter.  We would sail through this fine.  I had access to the internet, and books, and had WIC, an OB, and, well, that’s it.

 

Then I had my son.  The birth was on time, albeit surgical in nature.  We got started breastfeeding and had very few problems or challenges.  My best friend flew in from Indiana and filled my freezer.  My parents drove up and spent weekends with us, enjoying their first grandchild.  Picture perfect, right?

 

At about two weeks postpartum, my husband went back to work and I lost my mind and my confidence. He would come home to me sobbing and take the baby and take us for a drive and try to right the ship again…every day.

 

Then I met my first friend.  She found me online because of my hispanic last name.  Her husband was from Brazil.  She was pregnant still, due soon.  She said, “Let’s go to La Leche League”

 

The rest was history.  I found my tribe – women who were breastfeeding, not sleeping, worried about fevers, worried about teeth, thinking about cloth diapering, homeschooling, attachment parenting, going back to work, and every single other thing under the sun.  They fed me and I like to think I fed them too.  Our children played once they could move around and we visited each month like old friends or family or neighbors.

 

My son turns 19 in two weeks.  Even writing it makes me teary and not believe it.  I run into some of the mothers I bonded with so long ago and see their children and can’t believe we have come so far, just as we couldn’t believe we would survive those early days. 

 

I have been a home visiting Lactation Consultant for 14 years now.  The seeds for my career were planted by that group.  Our culture has grown independent, moving far from family and community.  We are proud of handling things ourselves.  We like to accomplish and be seen as strong.  Women are strong.  We grow and push out babies and feed them from our bodies and then let them go out into the scary world.  But for 1000s of generations, we lived in community – with mothers, grandmothers, sisters, neighbors, midwives, and others.  We had women around us all the time, feeding us, calming us, mothering us while we grew our children.  We need to do this for each other again.

 

La Leche League has been revived after a hiatus in our community by an amazingly strong mother.  She has two beautiful daughters and a baby on the way this summer.  My heart hurts thinking about the memories that I have from my time as a young mother, but it is also growing and ready to be born into new roles as an elder and shepherd to new families.

 

Wonderfeet Museum has a new location – new growth also.  They have bigger spaces and meeting areas.  I encourage you to come to one of the many offerings for community that are being held there.  It Takes a Village is meeting Mondays from 10-11:30.  Promise Parenting is being held the first Friday of every month from 10-12, and La Leche League is hosted there on the third Friday of every month from 1-2:30pm.  

 

And if you are feeling nervous or anxious about walking in alone, let me know.  I’d be happy to call you up and say, “Let’s go to Wonderfeet” like a friend did for me many years ago.